


You Are My Messiah

by ultlmtm



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee, VIXX
Genre: Based off taemin's mv's and lyrics, Bottom Lee Taemin, Demon!Taemin kind of? It's complicated, Gangs, Gun Kink, Gun Violence, M/M, Smoking, Smut, Taemin's POV, Top Kim Wonshik | Ravi, red and blue demons idk, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:34:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27586166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultlmtm/pseuds/ultlmtm
Summary: When I was 6, I remember a priest telling my mother ‘The only way to calm the fire that burns in his soul is to douse it with the ocean that pulses in his soul.’  It was a bit dramatic, I always thought.This is a story I created based on Taemin's solo MV's and the lyrics.
Relationships: Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Taemin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	You Are My Messiah

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends! Just wanna say that the three guys in the car are NOT idols, despite their names. They are just some randos and I needed names for them. Lmao.
> 
> I would also like to mention that there is a scene where there is implied forced sexual misconduct. The person doing the implied force gets what they deserve, I promise.

* * *

I know that someday I will have to stop, considering my career path. I know there are a lot of other things that I shouldn’t do but here I am sitting in this car with “friends” who only have bad ideas and reek of cigarette smoke and leather. “You’re such an idiot, you know that?” I said after a stupid joke made by my friend, Jun, who is in the passenger seat. 

Jun jested, “Not nearly as much as you are.” 

“Whatever” I replied, “I can’t stay out too much longer, I have rehearsal super early tomorrow and I need to practice”. The four of us were riding into the night after spray painting colorful images and phrases. I personally ignored the drug deal that happened between Jun and some guy who looked old enough to be my father. I am sure the drug deal was the real reason we went to the park and if god forbid any of us got caught our alibi was that we were spray painting the buildings with profanities. I worry about getting caught most days but then I remember that I willingly chose to be around people who actively know how to avoid the cops. As I am pulled from my thoughts, cigarette smoke wafts throughout the car, my friend beside me taking another drag. It had to be his 4th one tonight, that I knew of anyway. 

“Oh come on Tae-minnie, you really think you’re gonna be some idol? Be realistic.” The driver, Wooseok, said with distaste, “It’s not like idols are good for anything anyway, why don’t you just get a real job like the rest of us?” Rolling my eyes, used to this kind of talk. It was the same sort of comments I got consistently when I told them that I am not only training to be an idol but that I am a backup dancer for idols. Wooseok continued,“besides, didn't your boss, or whatever, tell you that you were gonna debut like 3 months ago? What happened to that?” 

Just as I am about to reply, Minhyuk, places a hand on my thigh looking at me with very clear interest causing me to look back at him curiously before speaking, “Debuts don’t just happen overnight. They have to be marketed at the right moment, otherwise, it could be disastrous for the company” I said paraphrasing my years of teaching from the company. Minhyuk’s fingers touching my thigh began stroking me affectionately, making my heart skip a beat. “Besides, I know that I will debut” he sputtered out, “It _will_ happen,” I say meekly. 

“Sounds like a bunch of horse shit, if you ask me” Wooseok replied.

“For real” Jun agreed. 

Getting progressively more annoyed with the conversation, I sigh loudly feeling irritated with their lack of support but I’ve always known deep down that they genuinely don’t give a shit about me. I also know that they woulcjvzlkd drop me without hesitation, not thinking twice about it. The truth is I don’t mind the crime we do practically every night. It’s mindless, really. But the real reason I do it is because there is something inside me that needs to be fed. It’s been called a curse, it’s been called a gift. I never really know what to make of it most days. I grew up having priests, therapists, doctors and a number of other people with degrees try to figure me out. Figure out what the hell I meant when I said “ Mom, why is the room red?” and “The voice says I shouldn’t do that”. You know, normal things a child says. 

When I was 6, I remember a priest telling my mother ‘The only way to calm the fire that burns in his soul is to douse it with the ocean that pulses in his soul.’ It was a bit dramatic, I always thought. I remember her making me pray every day, twice a day, sometimes more, to expel whatever ‘evil’ had entered my soul just because some priest said it would help somehow. For a while, I was terrified to stop praying but the moment I did, I noticed there really wasn’t a change within me. So what was the point? I was still the same weird kid with the ‘devil’ trapped in my soul. Since then I’ve learned how to tame it so to speak but just barely. I mean who else could I even talk to about this? To my knowledge, there wasn’t a single person in the world with a problem like mine. 

I have never told anyone about this either and why would I? You can’t exactly tell someone ‘Hi I have a special brand of evil in my soul that manifests as the color red and sometimes it speaks to me too!’ There are days that are harder than others; it feels like a battle between wanting to just give in completely going feral and then remembering the fear that was instilled in me,“Remember, Taemin, you must keep it under control at all times”. If someone asked me what would happen if I listened to the voice inside of me and let my world turn red completely I wouldn’t be able to answer. I have never surrendered to it, only fought harder to suppress it. By committing crimes, like robbing a convenience store or defacing property or even going as far as watching one of them pull a gun on someone has helped to keep it quenched. 

“Anyway, can we talk about something else?” I say, shaking my head looking out the window, I nearly forget about the grip on my thigh as the pressure was signaling a possessive nature, the fingers snaking their way towards my inner thigh. I felt a little breathless allowing Minhyuk to reach closer. 

“Sure, you wanna go smoke at Wooseok’s place?” said Minhyuk. The hidden implication of him wanting to have sex with me clear as day. 

“You know I can’t smoke,” I said “But I can still hangout”. Looking at him, I watched as a smirk appeared on his face. The two in front were onto the next subject of conversation, completely ignoring us in the back. Minhyuk took another drag of his cigarette removing his hand from my thigh, putting it under my chin, his finger tilting it upward. As the smoke left his lips it flowed against my skin making something inside me stir. My lips parted slightly letting out a tiny breath of pleasure. I really couldn’t really tell the difference between the beginning of being turned on or if it was the part of me I needed to suppress; Probably both. But hey, if sex is something that kept this part of me satiated then so be it. It was a hell of a lot better than embracing the fire and its need for complete and utter chaos. Besides the attention is nice, I’m not complaining. 

* * *

It didn’t take long for my clothes to come off when we were finally alone. He ripped off my leather jacket throwing it somewhere to the right but that’s all I could remember as I am too fixated on his touch, to figure out where the rest of my clothes are. His teeth bite into my neck feverishly, making me succumb further and deeper into his embrace, allowing whatever sound escapes my throat to come out without hesitation. We had been intimate before, I was used to Minhyuk and Minhyuk was used to me. The first time we slept together was actually in an alleyway after he showed me how to ride his motorcycle. I was shocked no one found us and called the cops immediately for indecent exposure. That was also the night he told me who really was and what he did for a living too. He was the leader of the other two, telling me that he does really bad things and gets paid for it. I remember the look in his eyes as he asked me if that scared me. I actually laughed in his face and from then on his fascination with me only grew. After our little encounter, I recall sneaking up to my apartment, showering the scent of sex and smoke off my body. I’ve gotten used to it as I have also gotten used to hiding the marks left by him. 

“Kneel for me,” he says in my ear, making me nod in response. I push him away playfully, getting on my knees. Watching him grin at the sight of my submission wrecks me. My eyes follow him and I see him reach for something on the floor. Curiously I ask, “What are you looking for?” Then I see it. His gun. A jolt of fear travels down my spine like electricity making me shudder. “Wh-what are you doing…?” I struggle to say without sounding like a ‘coward’. 

“I want you to prove your loyalty to us, _to me_ ” Minhyuk says. 

“What do you mean?” I start to feel too exposed, continuing to shiver. 

“We have been thinking,” He said, stepping towards me, “Taemin needs to pledge his loyalty to us because who’s to say he won’t run and tell on us the next time he sees something that makes him cry?” Pausing to look me up and down like he is about to devour prey he says, “I want to see those pretty lips do what they do best and kiss my gun.” If arrogance was a scent it would be overflowing in the room right now. 

“I don’t understand why you-” 

He cuts me off by clicking his tongue, shaking his head. “Taemin, baby, relax…” He begins cooing at me, running a hand through my hair ‘affectionately’. “You don’t have anything to fear, it’s me…” If this was Minhyuk’s attempt at calming down it was a pathetic one at that. After several beats he spoke again gently, “So...what’s your choice?” 

“I wouldn’t report you! I told you, _all three_ of you that I would never do that! I promi-” I felt the gun pressing against my skin shutting me up instantly. His hand in my hair yanking hard, a whine escapes me... It’s always about control with him. Always. 

Positioning the tip of the gun under my chin, smirking, he whispers “So show me.” There was something about the eye contact we made that enraged me and terrified me all at once. I say nothing but nod my head gently, obediently. 

“Open your mouth,” He tells me and I do as he asks without hesitation. He trails the gun along my lips, I watch as his eyes are now nearly black making me reach a whole new level of submission. Pushing the gun into my mouth I look up at him feeling defenseless. 

“Fuck-” He says looking down at me “So beautiful” He is very obviously getting off on my fear which only scares me further. Maybe if I play along he will drop the gun at some point and I can say I am not feeling well and we will stop and they can take me home? Yeah. Keep playing along. That will work. 

Swirling my tongue along the tip of the gun down the side of the barrel I quietly say, “Minhyuk, I am loyal to you...” My heart feels like it is going to burst through my chest with how badly it's beating. 

He seemed to enjoy that though as the hand that yanked my hair moved to dominantly grip me by the chin and pull me into a short kiss as if _that_ was a reward for obeying. Fingers gently stroked my cheek, addressing me, “Good boy”. Then I start to see it. Red. Sharply inhaling at the sight of the room fading into the red hue, he picks me up and throws me onto the bed like a ragdoll. He undresses quickly placing the gun next to the nightstand. Getting on top of me he pins my arms above my head. I can feel his teeth marking me, owning me. Cool metal touched my wrists soon to follow the clicking sound of handcuffs. A noise escaping my throat unintentionally. 

“Keep those noises for me. You know how much I love to hear you sing, baby” He said mocking my career choice. He grabbed the gun again and placed the tip of it on my throat. “Sing for me Taemin, be _my_ idol” Taking his time with me he continued dragging the gun along my body making me ‘sing’. 

The amount of red I was currently seeing was nothing I had ever seen before. You would have thought the room was on fire. Red is the color of lust, passion, desire and anger. It’s also a color that makes you hungry. ‘ _Let me help you, Taemin.’_ I heard the familiar voice inside me say. Everything in my eyesight was a fire, nothing was normal. ‘ _Taemin…_ ’ the voice inside cooed. I closed my eyes tightly trying desperately to get anything back to normal. He started doing what he set out to do the moment he locked eyes with me back in the car. _“Please help me,”_ I said back internally. Several beats passed as I opened my eyes as he finished, the red room was vibrant and bold looking very inviting. It looked so much more friendly to me all of the sudden. As he was undoing my handcuffs I turned my head to the side staring at the gun. Minhyuk said something to me but I couldn’t make out what he said. 

“Did you hear me? I asked if you were okay. Answer me when I speak to you” Minhyuk commanded, grabbing my face, making me look at him. His demeanor is much more aggressive than before. This had to be who he truly was when I wasn’t desperate for his attention. 

Based on his expression he was not fond of the way I looked at him. I suddenly felt nothing but pure, unadulterated rage. “How fucking dare you ask me if I am okay after that!” I said instinctively.

_This has to be how the sun feels, I thought._

“Excuse me?” He said, eyes widening. 

“I said,” My fingers wrapped around the gun my lips pledged loyalty to only moments ago. He was not paying attention to my hands, only my mouth and how pretty it is. “How fucking _dare_ you ask me if I am okay after _that_ ” I say fearlessly. 

_The sun burns people, it can be quite painful._

I never broke eye contact with him. The silence was so loud. A crooked smile appeared on his face, he began laughing at me. “That’s cute, Taemin”. He got up from the bed and then saw that I had his gun. His arrogance and cocky nature was fading very quickly as panic and fear plastered across his face. Putting his shirt back on trying to play it cool, he took a step towards me, reaching out for his gun. “Come on, stop playing around, give me my gun back _now_ ” he warned. 

I got off the bed, standing there, pointing the gun at him embracing the warmth and comfort of the red environment engulfing me. 

"You're gonna shoot me? Are you serious? Come on Taemin! You know if you do this your career is over before it starts!" His cool facade vanishing, only fear remaining, his metaphorical leash on me loosening. Minhyuk raises his voice, "Give me the gun back now, whore!" 

_I want to be the sun, I want to burn people._

' _Click, boom!'_ inside me whispered. A loud BANG echoed. The room was returning back to its normal colors. But then I saw it. Red. Such a beautiful color. My left hand reaches out to touch the beautiful color that is escaping his shaking body. 

' _The truth is in your hands',_ the voice says.

The sound of him in pain is like a song to me. “Come on baby, keep those noises for me” I say, positioning the gun under his chin tilting it to look up at me. “You know how much I love to hear you sing for me” A smile grows on my face as I listen to the song he wrote special- just for me.


End file.
